HBO has reversed its position on TV piracy, insisting that anyone trying to pay for its television programs be burnt at the stake.
In a move that pays homage to the acclaimed fifth season of Game of Thrones, an HBO spokesperson confirmed today that anyone utilising virtual private networks, moral compasses or years of corporate IT training to pay for its US-only HBO Now service, will be tied to a stake and burnt alive.
Gerald Pine, spokesperson for HBO, stated: "We're delighted that Game of Thrones now sits proudly as the most pirated TV program of all time. The last thing we want to do is put this prized position in jeopardy."
Mr Pine went on to say, "If you live outside the USA and want to watch our TV shows, please use your favourite torrent sites. From April 21, anyone found virtually clambering up our 700-foot firewall will be snatched by dragons and subjected to a gruesome death - even by Game of Thrones' standards."
He added, "Jon Snow will not be there to quicken your end with an arrow to the heart."
Tim Hargreaves, a software developer from Walthamstow commented, "I can't believe this. I love HBO shows and as a responsible member of the IT profession I felt that masking my geographical location was a great way to get access to quality programming while also paying HBO the subscription it is rightly due."
He continued, "I felt it was the only way I could reconcile my unwavering benevolence with my thirst for gritty storytelling."
A source close to HBO confirmed that any further money landing in the HBO coffers would be spent solely on killing off the most popular Game of Thrones characters, no matter what that old bastard wrote in the books.